my man, krazy karl levin

Like most other high school students, I dragged myself out of bed this morning and immidiately tuned in to channel 52 to see my favorite anchor Chris Matthews, make sense out of the clusterfuck that is the Michigan/Florida democratic delegate situation. After I told Mom to, "Make me some waffles...please" I really got into the passionate and at times heated exchange between Florida Senator Bill Nelson and the Rules Committee; it was like Tyson v. Holyfield. After feeling thoroughly apathetic towards the possible disenfranchisement of the 1.75 million democrats who voted in florida, I took the opportunity to dig into my syrup drowned eggos. As I listened to the anchor make another lame joke, all I could think was, "Chris Matthews, what a boss".

Bot not quite as bossy as my boy Carl Levin. Later in the morning it was Carl's turn to speak to the committee in regard to the joke of a primary that occurred in MI back in January or whenever that vote was. Levin presented a passionate old man speech that got the point across. In an effort to break the stranglehold over the early primaries by New Hampshire and Iowa, two white ass states, the michigan legislature and Levin moved the date of the MI primary from the alotted date given by the DNC. Now here's the sticky point, the DNC called MI's bluff and made it well known that the delegates/votes in the MI primary would not count...ever. So Chris Dodd, Joe Biden, John Edwards, and Barack Obama took their names off the ballot following the suggestion of the DNC. But Clinton left her name on the ballot, big problem. So now there is no way to correctly distribute the forty-something percent of the undecided vote to Obama and those other votes to Clinton. I mean afterall, every Michigander was told their votes wouldn't be counted...ever.

So I sat for a while more and sat in a sleepy trance waiting for Levin's glasses to fall off his nose, but alas, they continued to tantalizingly dangle. And so goes the Rules Committee, tantalizingly interesting, tantalinzingly necessary, but yet steadfast in existence. Word.

Training Day

Day one of my training started yesterday with an intense 34 mile ride through Hines Park. While Hines Park is a beautiful area, keep in mind that really only about 5 miles past 7 Mile is really worth seeing. Once you get into the Ann Arbor Trail region, Hines gets hood. Instead of mature hardwoods and lovely rest stops you get pit bulls and sketchy roads. Accompanying me on my adventure will be Tripp Dunn, long time friend and fellow badass.

Tripp and I rode all the way down to Inkster, one of those roads you hear alot about but have never been on and hence still is questionably existant in your mind. But there it was, Inkster Road, who would've guessed.

The ride took about 2 hours, and let me tell you my ass was burning. To put it somewhat poetically,

"My mind, my mind is tellin' me yes,

but my ass, ohh my ass is tellin' me no!"

Tripp and I are also gonna use this opportunity to raise some money for a chairity, you know, just trying help out. Perhaps I will contact Preperation H to sponsor us, a fitting endorsement I think.

So since cycling the same path quickly turns mind-numbingly dull, "Training Day" will be playing at the Malloure house to ensure the proper motivation for the most repetetive training of my life. Do work. Word.

European History

The first word that comes to mind in regard to a.p. testing is "fuck". That was the hardest test I've ever taken. Not including those chemistry tests and shit where you don't know what the chapters about, I actually know history, and that test was a bitch. All that studying, all the preperation, all that pencil sharpening, and wow.

The test started out with a multiple choice section that most likely kicked my ass. I didn't even know the first question. Do you know how demoralizing that is? I don't know the first damn question of an 80 question test? In fact, it was such a bitch that there were in all actuality maybe 7 or 8 questions that I for sure knew the awnser to. I made some solid guesses and figured out alot of the other questions, but boy was it hard. When #47 mentioned German appeasement I immidiately looked for Neville Chamberlain, and there he was, awnser E. You get the idea.

But the really hard part was the essays. Regardless of whether this fine literary device, Here it Goes Again, shows it or not, I'm actually a pretty decent writer. But it doesn't matter how well you can use words if you can't describe what the college board wants you to focus on. The Essay portion was divided into three parts, a Data Based Question, a group of three topics in which you choose one to write about, and another group of three in which you write about one topic. The last group of three blew my mind. Here were the prompts:

1. Analyze and explain the changing roles of women socially, economically, and politically in 18th century Europe. Now not to be sexist and what not, but women, with few exceptions, do nothing in Europe until the mid to late 1800s, and even now I can't think of anything significant other than the discovery of Radium by Madame Curie, but really, who cares?

2. Explain the causes of anti-semitism in the 18th century. Again, anti-semitism in the 1700s was nothing in particular. Befor World War Two, sure I can do that, but the only important thing that happen in the 1700s was America, and thats a fact, Jack.

3. Analyze the challenges to Enlightenment thought in Napoleonic and Revolutionary France. Hot damn, this one's spicy. I chose to respond to this one, and looking back did a thoroughly alright job. I of course mentioned the Napoleonic Code, the Thermidorean Reaction, and the roles of women (?), like a total boss.

As I left the church in which the test was being proctored in, I walked out the front doors, and with much desperation and relief whispered, "holy fuck". Upon realizing my mistake I said a quick prayer and sorted it out with the big guy. Word.

Also, a huge thank you to Carole Green for spending a full day reviewing for that damn test with me, it actually helped alot.

Lake to Shining Lake

I've always wanted to do something monumental; you know, like Moses. If not for the babes then for the sense of achievement. Now thanks to the Balfour Declaration and a British mandate of Palastine post 1945 and the authority of the United Nations to set up the territorty for the fledgling state of Israel, the Jews don't need anymore leading. Similarly, Ghandi and Mandela got the job done while Jim Leyland rescued the tigers (2006). My point is that all the good feats are either gone or are just too hard. How is a high school junior gonna cure AIDS? I have way too much homework.

But what I've decided is in the realm of "sure, why not?" is biking across Michigan. Believe me, I've spent countless minutes on Google Earth plotting my path across the penninsula. Roughly 100 miles, the trip is gonna be a bitch, there's no way around it. Not as bad as wandering around the desert for 40 years with flat bread, but well....nevermind, the Jews had it rough. I'm planning on starting in Alpena and biking my way across to essentially a little south of Lake Charleviox. Lake Huron all the way to Lake Michigan. Originally I wanted to swim across something, but figured I would drown or be eaten by a large/possible mutant musky.

I know what you're thinking, "But Clay, you can't just ride your bike across a state". Well, thanks for the support you asshole. Just kidding, its a serious concern. There's no bike path stretching cross-penninsula. That's why I will have two navigators, Eric "Cornmaise" Maise and Chris "Hotdog" Kowalski. They'll be roadtrippin' with me with the cruise control set at 18 mph for roughly all day. Their main job is to find some paved, not busy roads for me to travel on. While it will be dull and tedious, at least they'll have some good stories to tell when they get back to school. We'll start early in the morning, stop at a mom and pops place for lunch, and make it home for dinner. Their main job will be to blast Van Halen to keep me motivated and on course. Also, they will be the official team vehicle, carrying countless tire tubes and water bottles.

Since 100 miles is sort of a big commitment, I'm going to start training as soon as I finish this chocolate cake. Word.

Ohh and by the way, the dream ticket for this election is Obama, Hagel. Think about it, what better running mate than Hagel? A liberal republican who doesn't always agree with the Republican idealogoy and could bring important midwestern states to the Democrats. I know its a longshot, but

when you do the photoshop thing they look like they were meant to be an awesome team. It would be like rolling up a fatty full of FDR, Jefferson, Washington, and Wilson all in one. Smoke that terrorists! Double Word.