shit's goin down

I'm not sure how far Northville Township news stretches its enticing arms across this great nation, but if this following story is new to you, which if you live in northville/metro detroit/michigan it should not be, let me tell you the story.

On Monday afternoon or sometime this last week a body was found in a new development of Ridge Road. Well that in itself isn't too surprising, bodies are found off Ridge all the time. But this time was different: the body had no head, and it was burned, badly. Strangely enough the residents of the surrounding houses noticed a fire in that deserted field, but I guess they didn't have the common sense to think it was a body on fire, apparently they've never seen CSI/Law and Order. So anyway the NPD was quite pissed about this latest homicide, and launched a medium sized investigation. Within four days that arrested two teenagers in relation to the kidnapping/homicide. Now I've seen Nancy Grace one time, and I happened to notice that she's a bitch, but she taught me that all crimes must have a motive. This was no exception...or was it? No, the perps weren't after crack, chronic, heroin, LSD, angel's dust, perscription drugs, or oral sex; they wanted a high of a different kind, a thrill. That's right, two teenagers killed a twenty-something for no reason. But did they really do it? I'm not so sure...

In other news, a story has shaken this great country to its core. What is America's core made of? Baseball, and more specifically home runs. Yes, America is actually powered by home runs, and after years of hiding their most productive 'plant' from the judicial system's ever vigilant eyes, federal investigators brought charges of pergury and obstruction of justice against Barry Bonds. This whole case dates back to a steroid hearing four years ago in which Bitchy Barry said something to the likes of, "I never knowingly used performance enhancing drugs". Well that's pergury, bitch. So let me ask you, if a case is going nowhere for years, and then the prosecution steps up to the plate, they must have gotten some more evidence. Evidence like a charred, decapitated body. It makes perfect sense, Barry just had a roid rage, flew to Detroit, drove to Northville, and broke a man's head off from an over aggressive noogie and then breathed fire on him. Baseball has been shaken, but not as shaken as the psyches of Northville residents. After living in fear for the last few days, I can now sleep easily knowing that Barry Bonds is officially under investigation.

While writing this I really feel like a Chinese journalist, so I hope I don't get tortured, but I'll be at swim practice during all my free time anyway, and there's no way a potential killer is getting through Rich. Watch your backs Northville, A-Rod is still on the loose (but he'll be staying in N.Y.). Word.

F.Y.I, Carlos Zambrano has been under investigation for years also, but he just has a really good lawyer.