my heritage? I have heritage?

So upon reading Mr. Uberti's epic in regard to the Italian side of his familiy and their friends, and after much long thought and debate, I figured I might as well disclose my heritage. Why did I have to debate? Because I have pretty much no idea what I am. Ohh wait, WASP, that's right. By stereotypical definition I'm a stuck-up, preppie douchebag with madrass and parted hair. But we all know that that's not me, so let us dig a little deeper into the mystery that is the Stover/Malloure family.

This is what I've always been told I am:

50% Irish

25% English

25% French

This is what I told girls I was starting in 7th grade:

25% Irish

75% Awesome

So using this first fomula I shoud have turned out as a drunk, bad smelling, jerk with bad teeth, but once again deodorant and braces have fixed those problems. So what is it that makes my family so unique? Lots of things.

1) We are the only 'Malloure's in the country. That means there are zero (0) other familes with that last name.

2) Possibly, but probably not related to Samuel Clemens, the legendary author of classics such as The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (not that I have read it)

3) 'Malloures' at one time from France, sometime ended up in Missouri, known to all 19th century settlers as 'the party territory'

4) Maybe related to Indians

No not the subcontinent of Asia, I have pasty "cheap Irish skin", but rather Native Americans. That's right, there's the reason I'm so good at tracking deer through miles of rocky highlands, and the reason I'm attracted to torquise, and the reason I loved wearing those pasta noodles and stuff like that in kindergarden around my neck/in my hair. But I know what you're thinking, "How can you maybe be Native American?". Well that all relates to my cheap Irish skin which any of you that have attended a swim meet have definately noticed. So why did my Grandma used to get a dark tan whenever she would spend time gardening and such during the summer? "Because of my Indian blood" my mom told me she heard from Grandma. Is that racist? no, no its not; if anything it's envy. But that's beside the point. Can my aging but much loved grandmother be trusted as a reliable source in regard to ancestory she was probably told about when she was a girl by her mother? Probably not, but I'd like to think so. Finally something I can relate to. Why would I want to be French? They've pretty much lost every war they've been in and wear those hats with the little stubby thing on top. And the English, definately more respectable, but if you don't talk like/look like Jude Law its basically pointless. And then Irish...I know nothing about Ireland, other than there was a potato famine that was kinda a big deal. But Native American is all me. That's probably the reason I love 'Man vs. Wild' and 'Survivor Man' among others. Maybe that's the reason I've always wanted an indian nickname, much like Kevin Kostner became 'Dances with Wolves'.

In the words of John Winger in 'Stripes':

"We're soldiers; but we're American soldiers. We've been kickin' ass for 200 years. We're 10 and 1."

"We're all very different people. We're not Watusi, we're not Spartans, we're Americans. With a capital "A", huh? And you know what that means? Do you? That means that our forefathers were kicked out of every decent country in the world. We are the wretched refuse. We're the underdog. We're mutts."

But above all else I'm American, bitch. Yeah, I watch Fox, but not Fox news. I love baseball and apple pie. Yeah, I watch 'Survivor', a show based on the life of real people in third world countries, true reality t.v. And yes, our family has three cars, and we drive them all. Maybe it's because I'm not a purebred anything, a mudbood of the wizarding world, but you know what? I think I'm doing just fine. So what is my heritage? Only God knows, but if you ask me, I'm American in every sense of the word. Word.

top: Sitting Bull, possibly my great great great (+/- a few greats) grandfather