wait, what is this?

Last night as I pulled into the driveway after the meet last night I noticed something different, very different. Theresa, the foreign exchange student, was with me and I'm sure that gave her a great picture of America. Do all houses have St. Patrick's Day parafanalia along driveways? Hell no, and I'll be damned if mine does.

My mom was so confused that I'm quite sure she thinks Alfonso, the lawn/snowplow guy put them there in an effort to add some spring salsa to the dismal Michigan february that is kicking the shit out of optimism.

So I took a closer look today as I let the dogs out after again returning from another swim meet, and what I saw was horrifying.

Obviously this wasn't the work of Alfonso, cause this is some crazy shit. I mean who puts a gnome, mardi gras beads, silly string, and a rubber ducky on a mailbox? I mean this is "Silence of the Lambs" shit. What is also concerning is the lack of a theme. For example, it's not just toilet paper, eggs, or anything like that. Not even like a Halloween punking. This job combined St. Patrick's Day, Mardi Gras, rubber birds, and mythical creatures. Who would do this? Much like with science, the more information I get the more questions I have. More questions caused by this:
I mean I think it says Clay, but the 'writing' goes on further than the photo shows and there doesn't seem to be a 'y'. So more questions, which leaves me with a grand total of a shitload of questions, many of which I assume will go unanwsered. I mean who uses light green silly string on snow? This appears to be a thoroughly mediocre job. Not to metion that the price tag on each of the 12 lawn ornaments was 2.50, plus a gnome, plus a rubber duckie which makes for an expensive outing. I seriously have no idea what I have done to deserve this, and the possible perps list is nonexistant. Like I said, this is some crazy shit. Word.