"yikes, sheas a bewt"

I was about to go outside today when I thought to myself, "I'm gonna see something cool". I stopped in the doorway and went back to find my camera. I always listen to those feelings, except when they say, "Kill" and "Steal a car", bad ideas. But today's twilight zone advice paid off. I went back in the woods for a little bit, but nothing was happ'nen. Looking for golf balls to throw somewhere, I heard a rustle in the leaves. I looked around and bam...snake. It was about 2 feet long, not a megaloceros by any means, but hey, its a snake. It was a garndner snake, pretty much the Dennis Kuchinich of North American snakes. Small and non-venomous. So going after it was a win-win. Get bit, show off my scar. Catch it, show off the pictures.

So there it was out in the open, and it spotted me. It took off, but I knew it had nowhere to 'run'. My Jeff Corwin insticts kicked in, and, seeing as I didn't have a stick, I knew I would have to go with my hands. My hand eye coordination isn't quite up to par, and snakes are fast as shit. This might have been tough if I didn't have my years of Discovery/Animal Planet experience. Luckily, I knew that when it coiled it was about to strike, and I quickly got my hand out of there. This was no Black Mamba, but it was attacking like Biden on Guliani last night. It was all over the place. Everytime I got close he coiled and bit at me, his red tounge sniffing the air, or my fart. HAHAHA I got him good. Just kidding. But like I said, he was pissed. Like a cat I grabbed him right behind the head, a move that took some real cahones. He tried to bend his head back and get at my fingers, but it was useless. I have fingers like bear traps. After getting my trophy picture below, and as I began to literally scare the shit out of him, I let my new woodland buddy go. It was the right thing to do, after all, I wouldn't keep a bitchy snake that like one. Word. And just for the record that picture makes him look really small, which he was, but he fought like a champion.